there’s a happy susan in here somewhere…
get me outta here
So I guess it seemed like I almost enjoyed my job over this past weekend. LIES. HATE HATE HATE. I got cancelled today (yay!) and then without going into super details since I probably shouldn’t air all my work grievances on the world wide web, my job made me cry and I wasn’t even there. Seriously…how bad it is that my job makes me cry even when I’m not there??? I moped all afternoon and cried and got a giant bag of Swedish Fish. If you’re on twitter at all, I’m sure you heard my laments. Sorry I’m so depressing at times…but ugh, I hate it.
I know that it’s probably not nursing that I hate, but the environment where I work. I knew full well taking this job that it wasn’t where I wanted to be (I wanted a big city, university-affiliated hospital…I work at the complete opposite). I didn’t even want to take this job, but I didn’t really have any offers at some point, you have to start somewhere, I guess. It’s too early to jump ship on the whole nursing thing, as I need to try a different location before I decide that nursing isn’t for me. As Nicole from Raspberry Stethoscope said, I need to find a non-toxic environment to work in. Couldn’t agree more. Not sure how to do that…
I promise I used to be a happy person. It’s buried in me somewhere. I can put on a pretty good front too.
what’s next?
It’s funny though, since I came to the realization last week that…um…I never wanted to be a nurse. Say whaaaat? That’s right. When I started my journey to nursing school, my end goal was to be a nurse practitioner. (There’s nothing wrong with being a nurse. Nurses are awesome. I just went to school with the mindset of being a nurse practitioner. Although some people may be like, why didn’t you just go for PA? I don’t know…it all made sense at the time.) In the midst of learning to be a new nurse, I kind of forgot that. I was too stuck on thinking about much I hate my job and how I don’t feel like I’m any good at it to remember where I wanted to be in life. That being said, I’m not sure that’s still my goal. At any given point in time, I can list eight professions that sound like good, viable options.
Anyway, I’m starting to look at nurse practitioner programs that start in Fall 2010. Of course, you kind of have to pick which way you want to go (family nurse practitioner, adult acute care NP…being my top choices), and I’m not sure! Most schools do rolling admissions so I have some time. But I’m definitely looking into full time versus part time, financials, etc. It never hurts to look, even if I change my mind later. And open a bakery with Allie instead…
runninggggg
In the midst of my terrible day (I hate when my days off are ruined by work stuff!), I had a really good run! I hit up the hillier route by my house which is mainly uphill for the first half and downhill on the second half. Nice reward for the hard work in the beginning! I like it. It’s also still relatively warm out (it’s December??) so that was nice. Shorts and long sleeve shirt? Yes please. It also seemed like it was “Run Susan Off the Road Day.” There must have been a sign somewhere that I missed because every car that passed me failed to move over. There aren’t sidewalks in this one neighborhood, so I just run on the side of the road. It’s not high traffic so there’s plenty of room to go around me, but cars don’t do that all the time. I feared for my life.
Tuesday, December 15
6.00 miles in 45:12, avg pace of 7:32
I love being able to drop 7:30 miles without any problems. 
I could tell I was running faster, but my legs weren’t dying or anything. Awesome.
it’s almost christmasssss
But it doesn’t feel like it. I finally mailed all my Christmas cards (I think…) and now I have to wrap some presents and order some more online…yikes!
Elf is on TV…I’m watching it again even though I watched it last night while I finished my Christmas cards. See, I’m fun and not depressing…sometimes!
I’m in an NP program right now. Well, it’s a BSN/MSN for people who already had a B.A. which I think is the route you went as well. I enjoy the RN stuff in clinicals but ultimately NP is what I want to do. It seems like it would suit me better and maybe that’s the same for you. No matter what you end up deciding, just do what is best for you. And keep sending out those resumes. I hope you can get out of there soon!!!
Yay you are finally doing something about your job
Just read on a blog ‘life’s too short to be miserable.’ We’ll be the happiest bakers….even if we’re dirt poor for a few years!
I think you definitely need to leave the job you’re at! You seem so unhappy whenever you talk about work! School is a good option! NP school would be great, a total different type of nursing for sure!! Great job on the run! Wish I could drop a 7:30 pace like it was nothing
I think you just need to find a new environment and then go to school! I love the ICU…it is busy, but different from the floors. you might like it!
ugg its so hard figuring it all out. i have been at 4 different jobs since college and still dont know “what i want to be”. but at this point i have bills to pay and i have a job that allows me to train and run and have nice things so i just try to smile
i hope you can figure it out!!
Awww hun! I agree, you need to find a non-toxic environment to work in. You should start getting things together to become a nurse practitioner! That is my end goal as well. I’m looking at University of TX Health Science Center in Houston. I’m interested in Women’s Health and will probably go straight through without working. As they don’t require you to have job experience.
Coming from someone who’s also been at a job that made me cry every day, get out! It will feel like a million pounds lifted off your shoulders. If you want things to change, you have the power to change them. You have to make it happen though. No one else will! Hang in there. <3
Have you not heard back from any of the applications you sent out?
If you want to be a NP, I think you should totally go for it! You are in charge of your happiness! Make the best of life
a GOOD run (holy speed, geeze!
) is *always* the icing on the cake. you have Plenty of options with a nursing degree, and LOTS of time to figure yourself out 
If you open that bakery, please have the option to order/deliver/ship! haha just sayin….
I can relate about crying about work even when not being there. I used to cry on pretty much any Sunday because I had to go to work the next day.. But there is always the bigger picture, I’ve finally figured out what I want to do and I only view this as a transition phase – but without it, I could not get to where I want to be one day (I see it as a ‘bridge’ on my journey)! Good luck!
I’m going through the same “what do I want to be when I grow up crisis” I’m toying with grad school for Public Health, because I love health. I’d probably have to do part time though because I need to still make money and have health insurance and all that jazz.
Its frustrating as hell figuring out what we’re supposed to do with our lives. Sometimes I wish I could just go back to school where everything was safe and easy and I didn’t have to worry about real life crap.
God, I completely feel that “degree regret” feeling as I’ve been trapped in a miserable job that isn’t where/what I want in any way shape or form. I also feel your “what do i want to do anyway?” feeling a little…too well. And I don’t know about you, but one of the most frustrating things *I* see are people younger than me that have a great plan early on. Or people who have passion for their careers.
You’re not alone and frankly, its somewhat of a relief to know that others feel the same way…so never feel like you are depressing your readers.
Its not good to FEEL that way of course, but misery does love company.
Hang in there! And key, at least running helps with the stress…right?
err…that should be “and hey!”
All the NPs I’ve gone to have been amazing. Seriously, seriously amazing. The one at my fertility clinic was the first time I’d ever felt better after a conversation. With that being said, I think you’d make a fantastic NP. Go for it!
awwww cheer up buttercup
sounds like you’ve got your mind on the right track which is oh-so important! you’ll be outta there sooner then you can think and on the road to happinessssss!
or just quit all together and open a bakery! i’d support that fo sho