i’m not running boston
Let’s have a little chat, shall we? Or rather, let me make a statement because this isn’t really something we’re going to discuss and/or talk about. It’s just going to happen.
I’m not running Boston.
Okay, okay, I know what you’re thinking…duh, Susan! Over the past month, there’s been very little running talk and much more talk about lower back pain. You probably all saw this coming. I mean, I did too, but I didn’t want to admit it. Whenever people at work asked me about my next marathon and my current injury, I would say, “Well, I’m not running now, and I can’t race Boston, but I’m hoping to still run it.”
I can’t even make it to the end of my street without extreme pain in my back. It’s getting worse, not better. Needless to say, I’ll be on the sidelines again this year. I’d be lying if I said that part of me doesn’t even want to go to Boston. I’m really quite upset about this injury and how nothing seems to be making it better. I had really high hopes and big goals for this marathon, and there’s not even a chance of it happening. I kind of want to book a flight to somewhere warm and forget all about this with a frozen drink in my hand.
The truth is I’ll probably put on my big girl pants and head up to Boston. I had an awesome time spectating last year, and one of my awesome friends from college, despite not being a runner, loves Marathon Monday. As in, this will be the third year I’ll be taking over her apartment for marathon madness. In addition to being an awesome friend, she’s an amazing spectator and I can’t think of anyone I’d rather run drive along the course and cheer with.
In Ashland last year with Amy!
Plus, Amy informed me that she still has our signs (I think we made eight of them…) from last year. I like to think that we’re some of the best cheerers Boston has to offer.
Kisses for PRs! And James’s amazingly elementary sign.
Best. Sign. EVER.
So. It’s a fun weekend. Tons of runners I know and bloggers go. James is running again this year, so we’ll be following him. (It might be hard since there are rumors of trying for 2:45…) I’ve been up to Boston multiple times and have yet to go to Harpoon, home to my favorite beer. Rumor has it (or, James told me) that the expo appears to have moved close to the brewery, so we’ll definitely be hitting that up. And Sam Adams has a marathon beer this year. So if you can’t run, you might as well drink. Yes? It’ll be a fun weekend, but I may have to pack some tissues in my pocket.
so what’s going on?
People keep asking me what’s going on with my back…and the truth is that I have no idea. I’ve done so much to try and help it (including lots of nothing, thank you, rest), but it’s getting worse. I can’t run at all. I started physical therapy last week but my insurance is either not covering it or is taking their sweet time approving it. If they want me to say my back hurts at work (yes, I move 300 pound people on a regular basis, I’m sure that has nothing to do with it), then I’ll do it. It’s silly for it not to be approved just because it’s a running injury.
Otherwise…the gym. I went to the pool yesterday and swam for 45 minutes. I like swimming more than the elliptical, although the gym with the pool is about a twenty minute walk away while the normal gym is about a block away. It’s less fun to spend as much time getting to and from the gym as you do working out.
Holding steady.
so what’s the big deal?
Someone recently asked me why I’m so upset that I’m not running Boston. It’s just a race, right? And haven’t you run Boston before?
Hold up, friends.
It’s not necessarily about running Boston. While I know that tons of people work really hard to qualify (I know I did!) and that it’s an awesome race that is fun to run, this was about more than that. I had big goals. Lauren and I had plans to run 3:10 together. My training was going really well. I don’t really run marathons just to run them…I like to race them. See how fast I can go. This was going to be a great opportunity to try and push myself with an excellent runner by my side.
I know that there will be other marathons (…well, I hope. This back isn’t exactly on the path to a speedy recovery) and other races and it’s not that last time I’ll ever have the chance to run with Lauren. But anyone who runs marathons, or any race that requires a long training period, knows how disappointing it can be to not even make it to the starting line. And that’s why I’m upset.
getting over it
I’ve gotten so much support from readers, Facebookers, tweeters, and other people who are injured or have been in the past. It means a lot. I got home from work the other morning and this tweet popped up:
Thanks for thinking of me! I’ll take any miles people want to dedicate to my silly lower back.
I’ve also done a really awesome amount of eating my feelings. I think I’ve had pizza every night for the past week. (Don’t judge.) Solemate breakfast with Betsy last Saturday. Posto and froyo with Meggie and Jocelyn last night. (Yes, we got pineapple and bacon pizza, and yes, it was delicious.)
It’s impossible not to feel better after froyo and listening to Meggie talk about the South.
in conclusion
I know this is just a setback in the grand scheme of life, but I think I’m allowed to be upset about it. Running isn’t something I do for exercise, it’s something I really, really like to do. In discussing injury with Ben (in Israel!), he said, “I can not even imagine you with no running.“ That’s about right. I’m not enjoying it. But I know I’ll be back there (not) soon enough.
In the meantime, let me know if you want froyo. Or if you want Harpoon in Boston. I’m flexible.
Sorry about Boston
So the doctors have no idea what’s wrong with your back?
This just sucks and I’m so sorry. You’ll come back stronger, of course, by playing it safe now, but I know how much of a disappointment this must be. In the meantime, you know I’m down for fro yo. Tonight? Right this second? Maybe if I rub some 16 Handles on your back that will help it feel better, PLUS it’s sexy.
i’m so, so sorry. that’s awful and i can’t even imagine how you feel.
i love the “smile if you’re not wearing underwear” sign. you better have that sign on the course – can you please hold that sign near the end – say mile 25? i’ll need a good laugh by then.
take care of yourself. that sub-3:10 is yours.
Eeeeps. Get well soon, Susan. And yes… this is not a running injurty; this IS a work injury.
Oh friend, I’m sorry. It sounds like you’re making the right decision. Take good care of that back, k?
Also, would love to have your spectating/drinking company in Boston should you be interested.
This totally sucks. You have every right to be disappointed about the whole situation. But any stupid injury I have faced has taught me different things like strength training as well as flexibility exercises that I have added to my bag of tricks. I continue to do all those exercises religiously and have gotten faster after each set back. Here’s to a speedy recovery! Hugs to you!
As much as it kind of sucks, we should have an injured-NYC-blogger swim workout meetup/16 handles pity-party. Or if you ever want company on a swim, I’ll definitely join you! (grrr… stupid ankle)
BLAH! I am so sorry, I was hoping you would get to at leats run it too. You are a champ for still going and cheering on the runners. I hope you can get it figured out very soon because it just plain sucks. Take care of yourself and you know who to call if you want to fly on over to the west coast anytime soon to have fun!
<3 <3
This is the pits and I’m very sorry. But I’m glad to hear you are using your time well, by eating awesome things and drinking beers. I recommend the prosciutto and argula pizza from Posto. It has magical healing powers. At least for hangovers. But I’m pretty sure the properties are tranferable to back pain as well.
Ugh ugh I’m so sorry — it sounds like you’re doing all the right things and making all the right choices, which must make it even more frustrating. (Been there, or at least been in the neighborhood.) And that is *ridiculous* about your insurance! “Just” a running injury my ass.
I think pizza, fro-yo, and beer are a great prescription for feeling better, though. Even if they somehow don’t fix your back, they’ll make everything else awesome.
I’m sorry to hear about Boston
I hope you still enjoy going, and have a great time with your friends!
Oh man, Susan, I’m so sorry. I definitely know how you feel. Injuries are so emotionally painful. I have shed many tears over mine. I totally get it. I really hope you get to the bottom of the issue and that it goes away and you’re back to being a running champ soon!
I feel so bad you can’t run Boston this year
Although my recent injury isn’t as bad as your back (I hope!), I am currently going through something similar. For me, taking a break from something I LOVE to do is the main issue. When you work so hard at something by training and getting mentally focused, its hard to admit that you have to stop even if its only temporarily. My boyfriend tried to console me when my knee pain started and I was upset. He told me that running is a lifelong sport and in terms of your overall running career this one injury will only be a little part of it. Its better to take time off now and admit it then to injure yourself so bad that you can never run again. That being said, rest up and I hope you feel better!
I’m so sorry. I literally hate this for you–especially because I can absolutely relate (well, not to the goal time, but to the injury). I’ve DNS’d 4 races this year because of my back (annular tear l4-l5). NOT FUN.
I can say that I have been thoroughly enjoying my job as spectator and cheerleader at several races. I’d also be lying if I said I didn’t shed at least 1 tear at the finish line of each race wishing I was celebrating my own PR too.
I hope you get some answers soon and a clear plan to get your back on the running paths soon! Praying for a speedy recovery!
what a frustrating injury! It must be so hard to not have a diagnosis and timeline as to when you’ll be well again. I hope your insurance gets it together and starts approving some treatment for you.
You have EVERY right to be upset and frustrated! I cannot imagine actually being a talented running, like you, and getting injured. I hope your back feels better soon and that you continue to spend time with your friends and eat yummy food.
Things that make swimming bearable:
Swimp3 underwater mp3 player- works via bone conduction and is amazing.
Using always being at the pool as an excuse to get the pedicures you never bothered with when your body was functional enough to run & then admiring your super cute toes en route to the pool.
Yeah…. That’s all I got, I’m a swim convert post some mega injuries but I still don’t love it like I love running.
i’m so sorry to hear this Susan. I wish you the best and I hope that you can figure out what’s going on with your back so you are back to running soon. It is totally okay to be frustrated, upset, angry, etc. Thinking of you and hoping you can stay sane without running for a little while!
Sorry to hear about your back pain. I understand your frustration and can relate to your situation.
I work in the same profession as yourself and was an avid runner previously. Hopefully, you had an MRI of the pelvic region, lower cervical spine, and facet joints to rule out any underlying condition contributing to your pain. I found out that I had sciatic nerve impingement and this was in line with the symptoms of intermittent leg numbness and periformis muscle pain. I tired physio for a while and didn’t really improve the pain on a long term basis. Therefore, I tried Stott Pilates to strengthen not only the abdominal muscles, but pelvic muscles. Stott Pilates has helped me to control the pain better on a long term basis. I am still trying to increase my running endurance to 10 minutes without my leg going numb or cramping. I hope that your back pain is sorted out so you can enjoy running again.
UFO White is my favorite! I was pretty excited when I realized I would be starting a job a 20 minute walk from the brewery, but they only do tours on weekends. (Suggestion: get there at 11 for the tour! They run out of tickets fairly quickly and you don’t want to miss out.)
I’m so sorry Susan. I know how badly it sucks (I think you were there for that run, no?). I don’t know what I can say to make it any better. However, there will be more marathons and another chance to get 3:10.
You’re a fantastic runner, you’ll get your chance soon.
In the mean time, I’ll tell you about the South over fro-yo.
I’m so sorry this is happening! But I know you have so much more to accomplish with marathoning. This is OBVIOUSLY not the end. If you need help in anyway – a drinking buddy, a fro-yo buddy, or someone to call the Insurance Company on your behalf and scream at them – just say the word!
also let’s just drink beer and eat fro-yo FOREVER.
Basically going to chime in with exactly what Jocelyn wrote. PIZZA! BEER! FROYO! And of course, we can always do some non-running workouts to offset all that
Thanks for the shout-out
I had 2 consecutive stress-fractures last year. The first one I was out for 7 months and the second one 2 months…so I was basically out for a year. This injury WILL end. You just have to keep reminding yourself that. Your body WILL heal. I had to give up 2 marathons for my injuries and it SUCKED, but it made me a smarter, safer runner. It made me stronger emotionally. I know that being a runner and NOT being able to run sucks the life out of you but your body needs to heal. Your best bet is to find out all you can and get second and third opinions and then rehab as best as possible. You WILL be back out on that road soon. You will always be a runner, this is just a minor setback! We’ll run for you until then 
Okay – that sign is TOTALLY awesome! I’m really sorry about Boston, but hopefully you will have some answers to your back soon. And I imagine you’ll make a GREAT spectator this year!
So sorry about your back
but I am glad that you are thinking you are going to come anyways! LOVE LOVE that sign and I wish I could join you meggie and jocelyn and eat yummy stuff. You ladies should all come visit me in VA! xoxo
I’m so sorry, friend. I know how excited you were about the racing and had amazing goals, and it just sucks. I am down for pizza and froyo, ya hear?? Also, I am more than happy to help you drown your sorrows in Sam Adams in Boston. My sister always makes me stay out super late and I actually drink more than 1 beer, so it’ll be super fun
I’m so sorry, Susan. I can only imagine what you are feeling, but you are a trooper and an amazing runner. You’ll come back and demolish your 3:10 goal. Enjoy your trip with your BFF!
So sorry to read this! People who aren’t runners have a hard time grasping the significance of running in the life of a runner. Even for non-runners, though, a goal is a goal because it is a combination of hopes, dreams, sweat, joy, anticipation, tears, pride, and maybe even magic. It’s more than OK to be upset. And then to harness all of that for some creative spectating and healing to come back stronger than ever. Hang in there!
My heart is breaking for you. I’m so so sorry Susan. I know how much this marathon meant to you. And I’m pissed that our bodies are failing us right now. Why can’t they cooperate with our big 3:10 plan!? All I can say now is – don’t get too discouraged. You WILL come back from this, and I bet you’ll be stronger than ever. And THEN, you and I will line up on a starting line and chase down that 3:10 together.
Writing it on a blog makes it true.
I really hope things start getting better soon.
Aw, sorry to hear you won’t be running Boston. I can tell how much running means to you, so it can’t be easy, especially because you haven’t quite figured out the back problems yet. But be confident that you will run again! Who knows, maybe the extended period of time off will make you come back stronger.
Sorry to hear you won’t make to Boston
Best of luck with the physical therapy etc and I agree that you deserve lots and lots of frozen yogurt. Keep smiling because it will get better 
Hi,
I am very new to your blog but I couldn’t help but say something. I don’t know exactly what kind of lower back pain you’re having but last year I was (maybe) in your situation. 3 weeks out from Boston my lower back started hurting and I knew something was wrong. I was panicked and started physical therapy, thinking it was my SI joint. Long story short- the week before Boston I had an MRI done and it confirmed I had a sacral stress fracture. (Stress fracture on my pelvic bone on my left side which is why I felt it in my lower back.) I was EXTREMELY upset as it meant not racing Boston as well as 2 months of not running. I did get through it and managed to come back stronger later in the year but April and May were tough months last year. Anyway, didn’t mean to ramble and I sincerely hope that is NOT what you have. I hope you are able to recover soon and get back to doing what you love.
Susan, I am so bummed for you….running has become such a hugely important part of my life (in terms of my happiness, health, and everything else), I can’t imagine what it would feel like if it were all taken away from me at this point. So that’s why it’s 100 times harder for me to imagine you not running, because like your friend Ben in Israel, you and running go hand in hand!!
And even more endlessly frustrating is how the MRI and x-rays were not conclusive, so it all still remains a question mark as to when you’re going to feel better
HI Susan,
I came across this post through Two River Treads’ FB page.
I was in your position a year ago–excruciating back pain with seemingly no structural explanation. I was a former marathon runner who could barely make it from my apartment to the subway. I was about to get an MRI I couldn’t afford when my Dad handed me a book by John Sarno, an MD at NYU School of Medicine who specializes in clinical rehabilitation. At the time, I thought: “I don’t need to read some book by some huckster trying to make money off my back pain.” So I would understand if that’s your first reaction. But I read it because I figured: what did I have to lose, besides a few hours spent reading.
Sarno posits that the vast majority of back pain from which we suffer is caused by tension in muscles, tendons, and nerves. That tension reduces blood flow and leads to oxygen deprivation, which causes unbearable pain. Here’s the part that might seem radical: Sarno contends that the tension is psychologically induced. It’s like stress-induced GI pain, skin problems, etc.
Dealing with severe back pain on a daily basis is extremely distressing, to say the least. So the pain causes more distress, which in turn makes the pain worse. Pain and psychological distress become mutually reinforcing. Here’s the good news: for me, the pain started to subside quickly once I realized–and fully accepted–that it had no organic cause. As Sarno recommended, I immediately resumed my exercise routine–although the thought of running seemed terrifying at the time. But resuming physical activity is critical to accepting that you are not actually injured. I read the book this past November, and I’d say my pain is reduced by around 90%. I’m running again–just did a 4 miler this morning. I still have some from time to time, but here’s the difference when compared to my pain previously: I used to panic, fearing my back muscles would go into spasm (insuring that they did precisely that). Now, I tell the pain to f#$* off. And it goes away.
The book is called: “Healing Back Pain: the Mind Body Connection.” Don’t be put off by the title, which I admit makes it sound like new-age, alternative medicine stuff. It’s not.
Please know that many, many other people have been where you find yourself right now. I’ve been there. And I never thought I’d get my life back.
Wishing you all the best,
Matt S.