feeling a bit humbled
One thing I’ve been thinking about a lot lately is how humbling it is to be injured. Not that I was ever an Olympic-fast athlete, but I’m fairly proud of my running accomplishments and feel that I put in the work to get there.
At the moment, the days of 7:45 miles feeling easy seems like ancient history. Although I am more than thrilled to say that I am able to run again, the running is a bit on the slower side. (At least for me, running is such a personal thing.) Most of my miles are 8:45-9 minute miles, which isn’t even a recovery pace I could make myself run in the heart of marathon training. I would love to say that I’m just taking it easy, but the fact is that I really can’t run all that much faster at the moment. Not that I’m going crazy trying to push myself, but it’s not exactly a stroll in the park.
Twin Cities Marathon, dropped 7:15 miles easily.
Part of it might be the summer heat…I haven’t been running for most of the summer, so I haven’t had a chance to acclimate to the 90 degrees + humidity. But I’ll say it again…I’m just happy to be running again without pain. Not every step is spent wondering if I’m in pain, but I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t cross my mind multiple times per run.
One of the things I missed the most about not running was the social aspect of it…running with friends was always a great way to get in a workout and a chat session. I admittedly haven’t seen many friends since I haven’t been running, and I definitely miss those early morning on the reservoir. Now that I’ve started running again, it usually comes with a bit of a footnote something along the lines of, “I can run, but I’m not sure how far…and definitely on the slower side.” But the opportunity to run with friends again…I can’t complain. I joined Jocelyn in Central Park on Saturday for a post-work zombie run, and being out amongst all the other runners on a weekend was something I really missed. It certainly helped that the park was packed with the Team Championships race. (Note to self: Join a team when running full force again…)
Being in San Francisco listening to everyone talk about running was really hard. The New York City Marathon has been sending out weekly marathon reminders for what has felt like months. People have started posting about their NYC Marathon training. It’s been hard just listening to people talk about it and not knowing if I’ll be able to join in. I’ve run ten marathons and I know it’s a long way to go and not something to be taken lightly.
Hello, Brooklyn.
The marathon is just under 13 weeks away, and to be honest, I don’t know if I’ll be ready. Or if I should even be ready…maybe I should just scrap all marathons in 2012 and focus on just slowly working my way back. The other night at work I was looking at novice marathon training programs since clearly speed work isn’t even a consideration at the moment. The novice marathon program is the one I used for my first marathon. There’s nothing wrong with it, but it is very humbling to find myself back at this spot. I’m certainly grateful to even be able to consider it at this point, although I know it won’t be what I expected it to be this year.
Maura said it best…
I am happy to be running again. It’s taught me a lot to have it taken away and be able to start again, and it reminds me how hard it is to start from the beginning. One day I’ll look back on this saying, “Ah, yes, I once had back problems.” (Fingers crossed this is gone for good…) But in the meantime, I feel just like a newbie. A newbie with a lot of experience, but I will probably be the one celebrating every new long run milestone. I have marathon goals that I have yet to meet, and I’m only hoping that I’ll be able to get out there and shatter them no matter how long it takes.
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Side note: I had another epidural injection yesterday. I went back to the pain management doctor and told him I felt 80-90′% better. No extreme pain, just a little sore now and then. So we went ahead with the second injection which he said should be my last for the next 3-4 years and if the pain comes back, we need to look at other options. Surgery would be the second option and I hope it never comes to that. The good news is that we think the pain is mostly likely from the annular tear versus the bulging discs, which is easier to treat and has a good treatment option prior to surgery if these injections don’t do the trick. But I’m hoping they do.
I think you are being really smart and realistic compared to how i was when I hadn’t run for months and tried to come back full force for the Marine Corps Marathon in very little time. You know your body better than I do but I think it’s enough time if you just want to run it for fun if everything goes well from now on. Hope the second injection gets rid of the pain for good! You will come back stronger!
I’m hoping the injections do the trick for you too! And I agree with Celia’s comment – there’s no sense in trying to come back too fast. You’ve been out for a while and your body needs to get used to running again! I’m sure your speed will come back, and seriously don’t underestimate the effect of the heat/humidity. It sucks. And re: running buddies, let me know if you ever want to run at 5:00 a.m.? Heh. I miss you though, hope to see you sometime soon!
The summer heat does probably have something to do with it. I would also say not to wear your Garmin or at least turn off the pace until you are back and haven’t had pain for at least a month. No need to worry about that when you’re on your way back!
Don’t worry Susan. I am confident you will be back stronger than ever.
“We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.” – TS Eliot
I can relate to so much of this! In fact, it was kind of funny because I just finished writing a post about the positive side of injury (because you have to look at the positives when you are literally starting over again) and one of the things I talked about is how every run is a milestone. The first double digit run I took was so exciting and I’m sure it’ll continue to be that way through all of training. I do feel like a new runner again – which is a little depressing, I suppose, but in a way it can make running feel fresh and sort of exciting again. It’s a very humbling feeling but I love what Maura said about taking joy in being able to start. That’s something I am going to try to repeat to myself on every run. I hope you’re able to keep getting stronger and run through the streets of New York with me in November, BUT you know your body best. I think it is so admirable that you’re taking things slowly and being smart. It may be frustrating now, but your body will thank you in the long run.
I have been following you from afar for a few years now – from New Zealand actually, and have despaired with you through all your injury stages. I was attracted to reading you as we seemed to have much the same attitude to life and running ability (3.16 for my first and only marathon to date, 1.28 half, 39 min 10km. Two months ago was my last run as I have been diagnised via MRI with a hamstring origin tear plus adductor tear and now I totally understand what you have been going through. I was so happy to read that you ran a half a few weeks ago, it gives me hope for the future. I have two friends from NZ coming over for the NY marathon this year, I hope I can join them next year! Keep up the positive attitude! Natasha
I’m glad to see you are back running, but even more glad at your approach to the whole injury. It’s inspiring and reassuring to know that this is part of life and we have to take it one step at a time.